In Missouri, child support is determined by the Form 14. Up until recently, if you were the spouse paying child support and shared roughly equal custody with the other parent, you were entitled to up to a 34% adjustment which reduced your child support obligation. This credit was based upon how many overnights you had with the child.
The Missouri House of Representatives has passed a new bill in May of 2011 that directs the Missouri Supreme Court to amend the child support guidelines in this regard. Now parents who share equal or substantially equal time with their children may be entitled to an adjustment of up to 50% of their child support obligation. This could have the effect of substantially reducing a parent’s child support obligation in those cases of joint custody.
Missouri law provides that your child support obligation is modifiable, i.e. you can request that the court increase or decrease it. If it has been a few years since you have visited revising the terms of your child support, or you have never modified your support, this change may be a good reason to have it reviewed by an attorney to see if your child support can be modified.
Posted by Attorney Sophya Qureshi Raza. Raza practices family law where she effectively guides clients through dissolution of marriage, modifications of prior judgments, and resolving child custody and paternity disputes. She also helps families with legal guardianships and conservatorships for the elderly and disabled.
An appellate court in Illinois has (thankfully) dismissed a lawsuit against a mom, Kimberly Garrity, by her adult children for “bad mothering.” Amongst their complaints supporting their request for damages for emotional distress were: Garrity had told her son to buckle his seat belt; had called her daughter at midnight while she was at homecoming, requesting she come home; sending son a birthday card without any money; failing to take her daughter to a car show and changing her last name after the divorce. And if this isn’t ridiculous enough, the son and daughter were championed by their attorney father, Steven A. Miner, who helped to represent them. He stated: “[I] only filed the lawsuit after much legal research and had tried to dissuade [my] children from bringing the case.” As an attorney, but more importantly as a father, he should be ashamed. Did he really believe that he was working for justice? Or was he just motivated by pure hatred of his ex-wife?
After Kimberly and Steven were divorced in 1995, the children moved in with their dad. They were 7 and 4 at the time. The fact that these children filed such a lawsuit against their mother is an indication of how these parents handled their divorce. Yes, the children are now adults and should know better. But I believe that how these parents conducted themselves in their divorce and in the years following contributed to this ridiculousness.
Emotions are at an all time high during a divorce, especially when children are involved. Serious damage can be done to children who are caught in the crossfire between two parents battling for control.
Even though it’s very difficult to resist the urge to bad mouth the other parent, think of your children before you do so.
Posted by Attorney Sophya Qureshi Raza. Raza practices family law where she effectively guides clients through dissolution of marriage, modifications of prior judgments, and resolving child custody and paternity disputes. She also helps families with legal guardianships and conservatorships for the elderly and disabled.
The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers published a new survey finding that Facebook is the main reason behind one-fifth of divorces in the United States. 81% of attorneys have reported an increase in the number of cases that relied on evidence gathered from social networking sites for filing for divorce.
While I too have seen a marked increase in evidence gathered from social networking sites, I do not believe that Facebook is to “blame” for this increase. If a spouse is going to cheat, he or she will find a way. Perhaps sites such as Facebook make it easier, but it’s certainly a stretch to claim that Facebook is the cause of extra-marital affairs.
I have seen a rise in the use of electronic evidence to prove affairs, whether it be a site like Facebook, text messages or emails. It’s simply easier these days to have communications with other people that your spouse in unaware of. Clients looking to file for divorce need to be aware of this trend prior to filing.
I am asked this question quite a bit from prospective clients. Many of them believe that hiring an attorney who is a “pit bull” (i.e., aggressive, demanding, and litigious) will serve them well in their family law case. This belief could not be further from the truth.
An effective family law attorney knows when to be aggressive, when to be demanding, but also when to be agreeable, when to offer suggestions to move the case along, and when to listen. This type of attorney can advocate strenuously when called upon, but can compromise when the situation calls for it.
More often than not, a pit bull attorney will only succeed in making your case drag out longer and at a higher cost to you, both financially and emotionally.
Michael Sherman, an estate planning and family law attorney in Alabama, wrote an insightful article on this very topic: ”The Style of your Divorce Lawyer: The Lamb, the Pit Bull and the Fox.”
In his article, he wrote:
The lamb is the lawyer that just sort of goes with the flow. They are reactive, not proactive. They want to avoid confrontation at all costs and that means they also want to avoid going to court at all costs, even if it means convincing their clients to settle for significantly worse terms than they should. The lamb may even be afraid to try the divorce case. He will rarely, if ever, tell his client that he should not sign a settlement offer that is being extended from the other side even if that offer is clearly inequitable. Thankfully, there are not a lot of lambs that last very long as divorce lawyers.
Much more prevalent is the pit bull, who is exactly the opposite. They hate to settle cases. In fact, some of them won’t do anything proactive to try to settle their divorce cases. It is almost as if they take some type of perverse joy in seeing the “blood running in the streets.”
The pit bull is aggressive for the sake of being aggressive, not for any long-term benefit it brings their client. Often people going through divorce will think they need an aggressive lawyer to represent them in their divorce. They are wrong. What they need is a lawyer who is assertive. There is a difference. It is the difference between the pit bull and the fox.
The fox is wise and cunning. He sees the big picture. The fox is assertive when he needs to be, compromising when it benefits his clients’ long-term best interests, and always aware of the many different consequences his actions have on his clients. He stands on principle. Yet, he is a strong advocate for his client when it promotes his client’s long-term best interests. He recognizes that reaching a fair settlement is always preferable to trying the case and leaving it up to the judge. Yet, he also knows that if a fair settlement is not forthcoming, then he must be willing and able to prepare to effectively litigate the case in court.”
Mr. Sherman wisely recommends that clients look for a fox. I couldn’t agree more.
A friend recently shared an article by Kathy Read “Regrets of a stay-at-home mom”. I found this article to be a very honest view of a woman in a situation that I believe many of my clients can relate to. I have seen many cases where a woman has opted to stay at home with her children, only to be confronted with a financial crisis during her divorce. She probably has been out of the work force for quite some time and is now being told that she needs to go back to work to begin the daunting task of supporting herself.
I don’t think that the majority of mothers take a potential divorce into consideration when opting to stay-at-home. They have their children’s best interests in mind and make the very difficult decision to stay home with their children. Of course, many stay-at-home mothers are good maintenance candidates in a divorce, however, the maintenance received probably will not cover all of her expenses. Also, she will be expected (most likely if she is under the age of 55) to go back to work to become self-supporting.
This article had me thinking about taking into consideration all possible scenarios when making life altering decisions such as this one.
This is a very hot topic due to the increasing role of technology in discovering a spouse’s infidelity, and many wonder about the admissibility of discovered texts, emails, and social media posts in their divorce case.
Sophy Qureshi Raza is quoted in this article appearing in Ladue News: Computer Privacy in Divorce.
In the process of your legal proceedings, you may be required to participate in a deposition. If so, the deposition will be very important to your case. It’s part of what the law calls “discovery” which allows attorneys the opportunity to ask you questions.
Most people have never had their deposition taken so they aren’t aware of what takes place during a deposition. As with most anything in life, being prepared for what you will encounter is half the battle.
If your spouse’s attorney schedules a deposition, be ready. These are the “Ten Tips for Your Deposition” that we give to clients:
1. Depositions are not conversations.
Depositions are formal, legal proceedings. However, all those who are involved in any type of litigation have a natural urge to tell their story. Resist this urge. The time to tell your story will be at trial when a judge is there to hear you. Opposing counsel is conducting this deposition to learn everything he can about your case. You are not there to make the other side understand your story. Be polite, but do not make small talk. If there is no question pending, do not say anything.
2. You cannot win your case at a deposition.
Do not help opposing counsel understand your case. Give them as little information as possible while still telling the truth.
3. Think before you answer.
Take your time. Make sure you understand the questions. Do not tell the attorney asking the questions what you think he or she wants to know. Just answer the question asked of you.
4. Keep your answer short.
When you give lengthy answers, you are revealing more information and giving opposing counsel ideas for more questions.
5. Never guess.
You might be wrong. If you do not know the answer, say you do not know. If you do not understand the questions, say so. You may say, “What do you mean by that?”
6. Do not volunteer any information.
If there is a silence, do not fill it in with talk.
7. Do not get angry.
Becoming angry sometimes will make you reveal too much information and will send the message that you are ill-prepared to be a witness and cannot control yourself. The attorney for the other side will try to take advantage of that weakness at your deposition and at trial.
8. Make eye contact.
Look at the attorney asking you questions. Stay calm.
9. Stop talking when your attorney objects.
There are two types of objections. Neither can be made if you are talking. When I (your attorney) say, “I object,” stop talking. I may merely be making an objection to mark a place in the transcript where an important question and answer can be deleted by the Court. If this happens during the deposition, then after I have made the objection, I will permit you to answer the question.
On the other hand, some questions are completely improper and should never get an answer. In such a situation, I will tell you not to answer the questions. Follow my instructions. The other side may then obtain a court order to get an answer.
10. Do not disclose anything your attorney has told you.
Everything I tell you is privileged and not subject to an involuntary disclosure to any third party, including opposing counsel. And whatever our paralegal and secretaries have said to you verbally or in writing is privileged. Never volunteer such information. If a question is calling for such information, I will object and instruct you not to answer.
If you follow these 10 Tips when you are being deposed, your deposition will go well and not be excessively long. For best results, be prepared and understand what is expected of you by your attorney — in our practice, we are here to help clients by making a necessary legal process as manageable and comfortable as possible.
I recently came across “Divorce Rates by State: Which States Have the Highest” on the Huffington Post showing the results after the Wall Street Journal crunched the numbers to find out which states have the highest divorce rates in the nation.
Nevada isn’t a big surprise as #1 but some of the others might not be expected.
I often receive calls from people who want to modify their custody schedule because their child is old enough to decide where he wants to live. They ask “how old does a child have to be to decide which parent he or she wants to live with”?
It is a very common misconception that there’s a law out there stating that a child can chose to live with Mom or Dad at a specific age. Fourteen is the age most suspect it might be. No such law exists in Missouri.
In Missouri, the reality is that custody determinations are made based upon the “best interests of the child.” When it comes to those best interests, the statute lists several factors that the court must consider including:
1. Wishes of the child’s parents;
2. Needs of the child for a frequent, continuing and meaningful relationship with both parents and the ability and willingness of parents to actively perform their functions as mother and father for the needs of the child;
3. Interaction and interrelationship of the child with parents, siblings, etc;
4. Which parent is more likely to allow the child frequent, continuing and meaningful contact with the other parent;
5. Child’s adjustment to the child’s home, school and community;
6. Mental and physical health of all individuals involved, including any history of abuse of any individuals involved;
7. Intention of either parent to relocate the principal residence of the child; and
8. The wishes of the child as to the child’s custodian.
So even though your child’s wishes are taken into consideration, it’s just one of the eight factors.
In my experience, children over 12 years old are more likely to be listened to than a younger child who states a preference on which parent to live with. The factors above are definitely subjective and and judges seem to decide differently in every situation. It’s always better if mom and dad (and the kids) can agree on their own.
If you are contemplating going through a divorce, consider reading Mira Kirshenbaum’s Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. Her book provides a diagnostic approach for you to evaluate whether or not to leave your marriage.
Instead of weighing the pros and cons of the relationship against each other like most of us would do, Ms. Kirshenbaum offers up 36 questions that you can answer with a simple yes or no. She then explains how your answer for each question can help you determine if your relationship should continue. The questions start with the most serious and clear “deal breakers” and then get into the finer details as you progress through the questions.
Ms. Kirshenbaum’s recommendations are based on real-life experiences of multiple couples. She shares the perspectives of spouses who have made decisions to stay or to leave in each of the 36 scenarios reflecting afterward as to whether the individuals ultimately feel a sense of relief or regret about the choices they made.
While you should not take Ms. Kirshenbaum’s or anyone’s recommendations and opinions lightly, her examples and book may provide helpful insights into your complicated relationship.
