If you are contemplating divorce, financial advisor Lisa M. Gabriel of Axius Financial believes that there are concrete steps you can take before initiating a divorce to help lessen the turmoil of the divorce process.
The following advice is contained in her guide for clients going through a divorce:
How much a family law case will cost is the number one fear of clients. When asked how much something will cost, family law attorneys have a tendency to reply with: “I’m not sure, it depends on… (fill in the blank).” This leaves clients with no way to gauge how much they are looking at paying with very little control over their case and their bill. Many clients also become afraid to call or email their attorney thinking they cannot possibly afford every phone call and email.
However, there are ways that clients can help to control the costs of their case:
Tip #1: Keep your communications short and sweet.
Tip #2: Organize your documents.
Tip #3: Before requesting your attorney to handle something for you, determine if it is something you could do for yourself.
Tip #4: Don’t use your attorney as a therapist.
Tip #5: Be open to compromise – and the goal of getting to the end.
Family law is never a win-win situation, and it costs both sides in the end. However, costs can be kept down if you keep these tips in mind.
Posted by Attorney Sophya Qureshi Raza. Raza practices family law where she effectively guides clients through dissolution of marriage, modifications of prior judgments, and resolving child custody and paternity disputes. She also helps families with legal guardianships and conservatorships for the elderly and disabled.
The Wall Street Journal reported in ”The Gray Divorcés” in its March 3-4, 2012 issue that the divorce rate for people age 50 and over has doubled in the past two decades. Interestingly, one in 10 divorces was for couples over age 50 in 1990 and this number has drastically increased to one in four in 2009. And this has occurred in a time when the overall national divorce rate has declined since the 1980s. These statistics are based upon research by sociologists Susan Brown and I-Fen Lin of Bowling Green State University. What is happening?
One reason is simply that people live longer. Some of the marriages that would have ended due to death of a spouse are now ending in divorce.
Sociologists argue that baby boomers are the first generation that entered into marriage with different expectations from previous generations. They looked to marriage as a way to have individual fulfillment as opposed to how well each individual fulfilled their marital roles. Previously, husbands were the providers and wives were the homemakers and child-rearers. There was no thought to separate oneself as distinct from the role of provider or homemaker.
Also, 53% of people over age 50 that are getting divorced have been divorced at least once before. Your risk of divorce in your second marriage doubles between the ages of 50-64. If you are over age 65, the risk quadruples.
Empty nest syndrome seems to play a large role as well. With the children out of the house, people that are unhappily married realize they don’t want to spend the next 25 to 35 years together. And with longer lifespans, one or both spouses – usually the woman – decide that they want out of the marriage.
It may not be a good decision for them in today’s economy: cost of housing, continuing education, cost for raising children, etc. And there are other risks, too, such as losing close relationships with some or all of the children. As with marriages at any stage, reconciliation is still the best option if at all possible through counseling.
But the women say they are happier divorced. Over 80% rate themselves 5 or higher on a scale of 1-10, with 56% at a level of 8-10.
With that said, all indications are that the trend will continue, and by 2030 there will be 800,000 divorces annually for those in the over-50 age group.
Posted by Attorney Sophya Qureshi Raza. Raza practices family law where she effectively guides clients through dissolution of marriage, modifications of prior judgments, and resolving child custody and paternity disputes. She also helps families with legal guardianships and conservatorships for the elderly and disabled.
I recently had a case where the husband, unbeknownst to wife, had downloaded “spy phone software” directly to her cell phone. This software enabled the husband to listen to his wife’s actual phone calls. It turned her cell phone into a GPS tracker, intercepted and read her texts, email messages and call logs, and allowed him to use her cell phone to bug a room.
This software, available at an annual cost of anywhere from $39.99 to $349 depending on the features purchased, is specifically targeted towards spouses who want to “catch” their cheating spouse.
In very, very tiny print at the bottom of its home page, this company states:
“It is the responsibility of the user…to ascertain, and obey, all applicable laws in their country in regard to the use of…for ‘sneaky purposes’. If you are in doubt, consult your local attorney before using…. By downloading and installing…, you represent that…will be used in only a lawful manner. Logging other people’s SMS messages & other phone activity or installing…on another person’s phone without their knowledge can be considered as an illegal activity in your country.”
This language should be in ALL CAPS at the very top of the page in a huge font! I think that in most states it would be impossible to use this software “in only a lawful manner.” In the state of Missouri, it is illegal to intercept a person’s emails as well as listen to phone calls to which you are not a party. In addition, it is also a crime under federal law to intercept another person’s email.
I argued in this case that the husband’s actions in tracking wife with GPS constituted “stalking” under Missouri’s adult abuse law. And the judge agreed. Several states have taken this position as well. Not only is this stalking, but the husband’s actions in intercepting her emails and text messages are illegal.
What is perhaps most frightening is the only reason the wife discovered that the software had been downloaded on her phone was because she found the actual receipt of the download purchase made by the husband under a sofa cushion. If she hadn’t found this, she would have had absolutely no idea that her privacy was being invaded in such an atrocious manner. The website boasts that a person only need access to the “target” phone for the initial software download. After the download, all settings can be changed remotely. The husband’s installation of this software on his wife’s phone allowed him to receive via email of all of her text messages, call logs and emails, even if she deleted them from her phone.
The moral of this story: beware of websites that are selling this type of software. Just because it’s for sale, doesn’t mean it is legal to use. And don’t let your cell phone out of your sight.
Posted by Attorney Sophya Qureshi Raza. Raza practices family law where she effectively guides clients through dissolution of marriage, modifications of prior judgments, and resolving child custody and paternity disputes. She also helps families with legal guardianships and conservatorships for the elderly and disabled.
My secretary sent me a link to this wonderful yet heartbreaking article: “If Your Kids Could Make the Rules of Divorce.”
It’s a great reminder for parents going through a divorce and its aftermath of how your behavior can seriously affect your children.
Posted by Attorney Sophya Qureshi Raza. Raza practices family law where she effectively guides clients through dissolution of marriage, modifications of prior judgments, and resolving child custody and paternity disputes. She also helps families with legal guardianships and conservatorships for the elderly and disabled.
In their article “9 Nasty Things That Divorcing Spouses Say to One Another,” J. Richard Kulerski and Kari Cornelison explain nine of the threatening tactics most used by one spouse against another in a divorce.
I often have clients calling in a panic over one of these statements.
It is important to realize that the vast majority of these comments are not true, will likely never happen and are a result of your spouse trying to control you and the situation.
As always, consult your attorney before giving away the farm because you feel threatened.
Posted by Attorney Sophya Qureshi Raza. Raza practices family law where she effectively guides clients through dissolution of marriage, modifications of prior judgments, and resolving child custody and paternity disputes. She also helps families with legal guardianships and conservatorships for the elderly and disabled.
Eleven years ago, the United States Supreme Court decided Troxel v. Granville. This case ultimately decided that fit parents are presumed to act in their children’s best interests and that no state should interfere to second guess the decisions of the parents in denying grandparents visitation with their children.
Many states rewrote their grandparent visitation laws following the Supreme Court’s decision. Today, state grandparent visitation laws vary widely from prohibiting grandparents from seeing their grandchildren unless the parents agree to courts applying a “best interest” standard in determining whether grandparents can visit their grandchildren despite the parents’ wishes.
In Missouri, for example, a court may grant reasonable visitation to grandparents when:
However, if the parents are legally married and living together with the child, the parent is presumed to know what is in the best interest of the child. Missouri’s statute is seen as one of the more “parent-friendly” laws in the country.
The Supreme Court will be deciding whether to hear an Alabama case striking down that state’s grandparent visitation law as unconstitutional. Officials in Hawaii, Louisiana, Ohio, Michigan and Washington have also joined in the request. The law in Alabama allowed grandparent visitation despite the parents’ wishes.
This issue is one surrounded by high emotions and much debate. Parents believe that they should determine who can spend time with their children and that the courts shouldn’t be able to step in to order grandparent visitation over their objections. The litigation in these circumstances vary from intact two-parent families being sued by grandparents to situations stemming from tumultuous divorces and remarriages, disputes with one parent after another dies, and other cases.
If you find yourself in this situation, as either a parent or a grandparent, remember that court does not bring families together. In fact, it does quite the opposite.
Missouri has a mediation provision for grandparents in this situation, which provides that a grandparent denied visitation can request court ordered mediation.
Sometimes, this is the least traumatic avenue to pursue.
Posted by Attorney Sophya Qureshi Raza. Raza practices family law where she effectively guides clients through dissolution of marriage, modifications of prior judgments, and resolving child custody and paternity disputes. She also helps families with legal guardianships and conservatorships for the elderly and disabled.
In her article “9 Questions to Keep Your Divorce Lawyer Honest,” Diane Mercer (attorney, mediator and author) advocates asking specific and tough questions of your divorce attorney.
I think these are wonderful questions to ask BEFORE you hire an attorney.
Beware of the attorney that says that there is no worst case scenario, that your case has a slam dunk argument, or that he/she is 100% certain your argument will prevail. This type of attorney just wants your money.
Any competent attorney knows that the outcome of a divorce is never guaranteed or certain and should be more than willing to give you honest answers to these questions.
As a client, having your expectations set prior to litigation is essential to help you manage your emotions and expectations during the process.
Posted by Attorney Sophya Qureshi Raza. Raza practices family law where she effectively guides clients through dissolution of marriage, modifications of prior judgments, and resolving child custody and paternity disputes. She also helps families with legal guardianships and conservatorships for the elderly and disabled.
I came across this great article about how to deal with emailing your spouse/ex-spouse.
Taking the emotion out of your correspondence will go a long way in keeping the peace.
Posted by Attorney Sophya Qureshi Raza. Raza practices family law where she effectively guides clients through dissolution of marriage, modifications of prior judgments, and resolving child custody and paternity disputes. She also helps families with legal guardianships and conservatorships for the elderly and disabled.
Here are some good tips to keep in mind when searching for a Family Law Attorney from the Huffington Post.
Posted by Attorney Sophya Qureshi Raza. Raza practices family law where she effectively guides clients through dissolution of marriage, modifications of prior judgments, and resolving child custody and paternity disputes. She also helps families with legal guardianships and conservatorships for the elderly and disabled.
