When you have made the decision to divorce, it’s important to realize that you have several options in moving forward. Be wary of an attorney who has a “one size fits all” attitude – your case is unique and may be suited for an option other than the typical one of going straight to court. Here is a brief overview of the different processes to consider:
Advantages: Quick and inexpensive
Disadvantages: No professional advice from an attorney (or only one spouse obtains professional advice) of legal rights and options; no formal method of information gathering (“discovery”) to ensure your spouse is being honest with financial information
Advantages: No court involvement; structured negotiation process; couple has control over all decisions
Disadvantages: Could become costly if you pay a mediator and two attorneys; a spouse that is controlling and/or abusive may take advantage of the other spouse during the process (i.e., there is an imbalance of power); no formal method of discovery Continue reading »
Recently I was interviewed by the St. Louis Post-Dispatch on the topic of stalking or tracking a spouse using technology. In the article “Stalkers find friend in GPS technology,” I share what I have been seeing related to the use of technology to spy or track spousal activities or whereabouts:
Sophya Qureshi Raza, a private attorney who practices family law in the St. Louis region, said she has seen an increasing number of instances over the past year, including three she handled.
The worst of them, she said, involved a husband in St. Louis County who downloaded software into his wife’s phone to show her location and record her conversations. The wife found out, Raza said, by finding a purchase receipt under couch cushions.
Raza, a partner at Danna McKitrick, successfully argued that the husband’s actions constituted stalking under Missouri’s adult abuse law and required a protective order, the same result as in her other two cases.
But most often, she said, judges allow such tracking in divorce cases, unless there is a clear threat or harassment.
“I think it’s a case where the statute hasn’t caught up with technology,” the lawyer said.
Read the full article here.
Unfortunately, for many divorced families, the holidays can be a stressful and emotional time. The joyfulness of the holidays can be replaced with feelings of anxiety, depression and loneliness…not only for parents, but for their children as well.
The holidays are a busy time for family law attorneys, with parents often butting heads over holiday plans, visitation schedules, winter vacations, out-of-town travel, family events…the list goes on and on.
Keep these tips in mind to decrease not only the anxiety surrounding the holidays, but hopefully your lawyer bills as well:
Co-authored by Sophya Qureshi Raza and Misty A. Watson
Often, a situation arises where neither of a child’s biological parents is able to care for the child. It then becomes necessary for a non-parent to take legal steps to be appointed guardian or custodian of the child.
The terms “guardianship” and “third-party custody” are often used interchangeably. However, although the concepts are similar, it is important to be aware of the differences between guardianship and third-party custody to know which option fits your needs if you find yourself in this situation.
The major differences between guardianships and third-party custody are as follows:
Divorced individuals filing for Social Security benefits are often unaware they may qualify for benefits based on marriage to an ex-spouse, even after divorce.
Because the strict guidelines and rules for eligibility may be overlooked by divorce attorneys, divorced individuals need to understand what benefits they are eligible for when they file for Social Security.
If you want to obtain information regarding your benefits, it is now available on the Social Security Administration’s website. The SSA no longer mails annual statements unless you are a worker age 60 or older. Once you have registered for an account, you may verify your earnings and see your estimated benefits based on when you would retire. Continue reading »
I recently had the opportunity to post “Divorce, Summer, Kids, and Vacations,” an article about dealing with children and summer vacations in families of divorce, on MacaroniKid.com. Macaronikid.com is an online community published by moms “dedicated to delivering the scoop on all the family-friendly events and activities happening in their communities each week.”
Summer vacations is families of divorce is a stressful time for parents and for children. Here are just some of the tips from the article:
If you are contemplating divorce, financial advisor Lisa M. Gabriel of Axius Financial believes that there are concrete steps you can take before initiating a divorce to help lessen the turmoil of the divorce process.
The following advice is contained in her guide for clients going through a divorce:
How much a family law case will cost is the number one fear of clients. When asked how much something will cost, family law attorneys have a tendency to reply with: “I’m not sure, it depends on… (fill in the blank).” This leaves clients with no way to gauge how much they are looking at paying with very little control over their case and their bill. Many clients also become afraid to call or email their attorney thinking they cannot possibly afford every phone call and email.
However, there are ways that clients can help to control the costs of their case:
Tip #1: Keep your communications short and sweet.
Tip #2: Organize your documents.
Tip #3: Before requesting your attorney to handle something for you, determine if it is something you could do for yourself.
Tip #4: Don’t use your attorney as a therapist.
Tip #5: Be open to compromise – and the goal of getting to the end.
Family law is never a win-win situation, and it costs both sides in the end. However, costs can be kept down if you keep these tips in mind.
Posted by Attorney Sophya Qureshi Raza. Raza practices family law where she effectively guides clients through dissolution of marriage, modifications of prior judgments, and resolving child custody and paternity disputes. She also helps families with legal guardianships and conservatorships for the elderly and disabled.
The Wall Street Journal reported in ”The Gray Divorcés” in its March 3-4, 2012 issue that the divorce rate for people age 50 and over has doubled in the past two decades. Interestingly, one in 10 divorces was for couples over age 50 in 1990 and this number has drastically increased to one in four in 2009. And this has occurred in a time when the overall national divorce rate has declined since the 1980s. These statistics are based upon research by sociologists Susan Brown and I-Fen Lin of Bowling Green State University. What is happening?
One reason is simply that people live longer. Some of the marriages that would have ended due to death of a spouse are now ending in divorce.
Sociologists argue that baby boomers are the first generation that entered into marriage with different expectations from previous generations. They looked to marriage as a way to have individual fulfillment as opposed to how well each individual fulfilled their marital roles. Previously, husbands were the providers and wives were the homemakers and child-rearers. There was no thought to separate oneself as distinct from the role of provider or homemaker.
Also, 53% of people over age 50 that are getting divorced have been divorced at least once before. Your risk of divorce in your second marriage doubles between the ages of 50-64. If you are over age 65, the risk quadruples.
Empty nest syndrome seems to play a large role as well. With the children out of the house, people that are unhappily married realize they don’t want to spend the next 25 to 35 years together. And with longer lifespans, one or both spouses – usually the woman – decide that they want out of the marriage.
It may not be a good decision for them in today’s economy: cost of housing, continuing education, cost for raising children, etc. And there are other risks, too, such as losing close relationships with some or all of the children. As with marriages at any stage, reconciliation is still the best option if at all possible through counseling.
But the women say they are happier divorced. Over 80% rate themselves 5 or higher on a scale of 1-10, with 56% at a level of 8-10.
With that said, all indications are that the trend will continue, and by 2030 there will be 800,000 divorces annually for those in the over-50 age group.
Posted by Attorney Sophya Qureshi Raza. Raza practices family law where she effectively guides clients through dissolution of marriage, modifications of prior judgments, and resolving child custody and paternity disputes. She also helps families with legal guardianships and conservatorships for the elderly and disabled.
I recently had a case where the husband, unbeknownst to wife, had downloaded “spy phone software” directly to her cell phone. This software enabled the husband to listen to his wife’s actual phone calls. It turned her cell phone into a GPS tracker, intercepted and read her texts, email messages and call logs, and allowed him to use her cell phone to bug a room.
This software, available at an annual cost of anywhere from $39.99 to $349 depending on the features purchased, is specifically targeted towards spouses who want to “catch” their cheating spouse.
In very, very tiny print at the bottom of its home page, this company states:
“It is the responsibility of the user…to ascertain, and obey, all applicable laws in their country in regard to the use of…for ‘sneaky purposes’. If you are in doubt, consult your local attorney before using…. By downloading and installing…, you represent that…will be used in only a lawful manner. Logging other people’s SMS messages & other phone activity or installing…on another person’s phone without their knowledge can be considered as an illegal activity in your country.”
This language should be in ALL CAPS at the very top of the page in a huge font! I think that in most states it would be impossible to use this software “in only a lawful manner.” In the state of Missouri, it is illegal to intercept a person’s emails as well as listen to phone calls to which you are not a party. In addition, it is also a crime under federal law to intercept another person’s email.
I argued in this case that the husband’s actions in tracking wife with GPS constituted “stalking” under Missouri’s adult abuse law. And the judge agreed. Several states have taken this position as well. Not only is this stalking, but the husband’s actions in intercepting her emails and text messages are illegal.
What is perhaps most frightening is the only reason the wife discovered that the software had been downloaded on her phone was because she found the actual receipt of the download purchase made by the husband under a sofa cushion. If she hadn’t found this, she would have had absolutely no idea that her privacy was being invaded in such an atrocious manner. The website boasts that a person only need access to the “target” phone for the initial software download. After the download, all settings can be changed remotely. The husband’s installation of this software on his wife’s phone allowed him to receive via email of all of her text messages, call logs and emails, even if she deleted them from her phone.
The moral of this story: beware of websites that are selling this type of software. Just because it’s for sale, doesn’t mean it is legal to use. And don’t let your cell phone out of your sight.
Posted by Attorney Sophya Qureshi Raza. Raza practices family law where she effectively guides clients through dissolution of marriage, modifications of prior judgments, and resolving child custody and paternity disputes. She also helps families with legal guardianships and conservatorships for the elderly and disabled.
